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Copyright © 2020 Rain Carrington
Cover Copyright © 2020 Rain Carrington
All rights reserved
Warnings: This story may contain elements of violence, abuse, torture and/or dubious consent. Trigger warnings apply.
Dedicated and written for Carrington Connection, my Facebook group as a show of appreciation and love. To join go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/152938609461236/
Ducking into the alley after sensing a someone watching him, Adam felt his heart beating out of his chest, and wish again for death. The long sleep, the peace, the end to his running, it was all he wanted, and the one thing he couldn’t have.
It came on him quickly, when he felt that, like a block of ice as tall and wide as a man slammed into him, taking his breath and freezing him until his senses shook it off and he could run or hide. It hadn’t happened often over the years, but when it did, it chilled him to his bones. Fleeting it was, though, and as he regained his ability to move, he pushed himself against the wall of the bookstore. The smell in the alley assaulted him, but he’d live forever in that smell if he escaped the pain that would come if he were caught.
Catching himself in the reflection of a broken piece of glass leaning on an over-filled dumpster, Adam saw that he looked the same as he always had. That was another thing that bothered him, that had already eaten at his sanity.
The dark hair and eyes, both strange hues of milk chocolate, and his deep olive skin, all the same. He’d tried to dye his hair every color of the rainbow, but the next day it was back to that chocolate brown.
He was built nicely, muscles all firm and well defined, so he’d tried to drink beer, hoping to develop a beer belly. It didn’t happen. His sharp jawline was lined with facial hair. He’d tried a million times to shave or to let his beard grow out and neither had worked.
And the one thing that was the worst of all, running all his life. That was the same. In the long years he’d been on the earth, he’d known not one minute of peace after the sentence had been handed down by the judge of all judges.
With his eyes tightly shut, he willed himself not to think about him. Not God, that was a thought he could keep away most days. The other him never left his mind for more than a heartbeat. That was probably because, even after all the time that had passed, his name was on each heartbeat.
Where he’d been going, the little bar on fifth avenue, he left the alley to finish walking there. He’d found it a week before, not overly crammed with bouncing college boys, nor one where he looked as though he was twenty years the junior of the patrons. It was one of the few he’d found that had good music, good conversation and let him drown his sorrows without getting an obvious pick-up line every few minutes.
When he entered Stone’s Throw, he remarked again at the peacefulness of the place. Casual conversation was a low murmur, the music background to that. The bartender was an older gentleman, maybe sixty, who had a wonderful reverberating voice that was never loud, but always clear and cheerful.
It wasn’t terribly dark, but dim enough to hide, if one so desired. He did, of course. There were pictures covering the walls of famous gay men and women that they all seemed to idolize. The big print of Marylyn Monroe holding her skirt down from the movie with that scene was center in the dance area, and her eyes followed him as he moved from the door to the bar.
He sat at the end of the bar, far from the next two customers who were watching some video on one of the men’s phone. Phillip, the bartender, came over, wearing a muscle shirt to show off his big muscles, and smiled in greeting. “You’re back. I do believe you may become a regular.”
“Doubtful. I won’t be around long enough.”
Reveling too much was a risk, but sometimes, he just needed to vent a little.
“Oh yeah? Job taking you away or love chasing you?”
That was the thing with the modern people. It was work or love. Their reasons to exist. Back in his day, there was so much more…
“Neither. Both. Is there a difference, really?”
“Guess not. Scotch?”
“Please, three fingers, and run a tab for me, if you will.”
He handed the man a bank card and watched him set it by the register before pouring his generous drink. He’d found alcohol early on in his punishment, and it eased the pain of it some.
After the bartender handed him the drink, he commented, “You look like you need a night away from your troubles. Why night take one of these guys home and have some fun? Or…do you have a guy somewhere else?”
That picture in his mind again, that name that sounded on every beat of his heart. “I used to. I fucked it all up.”
“Don’t we all at one time or another? Did you cheat?”
If it were so easy, if there had been another, if Adam had gotten tempted in that way, he could somehow make up for that. “No. I didn’t cheat. I betrayed him.”
Phillip got the hint he wouldn’t go into detail, so he left Adam with this, “You get over him and move on or find him, tell him how sorry you are and try to get back with him.”
Ready to dismiss the advice, once it sunk in, Adam saw the logic of it. Especially after he drained the rest of the scotch from the glass. “He’d torture me.”
“Wouldn’t you deserve it? So, he nags and cries some. Being betrayed cuts a man deep, but if you’re truly sorry he’ll see it, if he’s a good guy. If he’s not, well, then you don’t much want him anyway, right?”
The rage and pain of the man in question, if one could call him a man at all, wouldn’t be contained to whining and nagging. It could come out in floods, raging tornadoes, blood bubbling up from the very ground.
But on the other hand, like Phillip had said, he deserved it. Adam knew, however that many could get caught up in the lover’s spat of the universe.
A man came to sit by him, calling Phillip over so he could buy Adam another drink and get another beer for himself. “Sorry to intrude, but I saw you sitting here and wanted to see if I had a shot. I’m Jeff.”
Up front and honest, at least. That was rare. “A shot? Tonight, probably. I’d like to drink a while longer. If you don’t mind, Jeff. I’m Adam, by the way.”
Adam turned to see his reaction and saw a sweet man smiling in a way that Adam hadn’t seen in years. Sincerity, it was an uncommon thing in the world.
Handsome, yes, dark wavy hair, soft jawline that was beginning to see the start of some stubble. His skin was light, made to seem lighter still by the contrast of his hair. It was his eyes, however, that grabbed Adam. Sky blue. So, like…like the one he missed…
“I don’t mind. It’s one of the two reasons we come to bars, isn’t it?”
“It is, I suppose. Not always the foremost reason, but it is up there.”
They made small talk, confirming the weather was nice, a little hot, and the current new fad of taking short videos to post on the new social media site was cute but not their thing. Adam wasn’t great at small talk. He’d seen so much, done so much, it all seemed so trivial. It was the way of things, however, down through the ages. Men, in their search of love for the night would say most anything until it was time to be physical.
“I am between homes right now, so do you have somewhere we can go?”
He knew he sounded like he was a homeless person, and he supposed he was. Not by choice and not by happenstance. It was dangerous for him to put any roots down, so he stayed only a few months in any given city or town around the world until he didn’t feel safe any longer.
“Yeah, my apartment is a few blocks away. I walked here, but if you have a car…”
“I don’t. The walk would be nice, though.”
The disappointment of delayed satisfaction in his eyes left quickly as his smile touched them. “Yeah. Yeah, it would.”
Jeff paid for their drinks and he led Adam out to the sidewalk where he timidly took his hand. “Wouldn’t want you to get lost.”
“That would be a travesty.”
Jeff was cute, sweet, and someone Adam would love to get to know better, but he resigned himself to only ask for the love he could give Adam for the night. He’d tried too many times in the past to make it work with men, and he’d had to run each time, leaving them hurt from the sudden breakup.
His hand was warm as it wrapped Adam’s, and his step had a definite bounce as they made their way past coffee houses, furniture shops and taverns. The noise from each of the latter would rise as they neared, and fade as they passed it, reminding Adam of his life. Noise, frivolity, joy, even, at times, only to fade so quickly, he’d been unsure it had been real.
The time he was about to spend with Jeff would be like that. He’d get pleasure from it, he was sure, but it would pass, and he’d be left bereft and alone once more. Friends and acquaintances were taboo for him, and love was off the table completely.
He’d betrayed his love already with his words. He’d never betray him in his heart.
Up two narrow flights of stairs in the old building they’d entered brought them to Jeff’s apartment door, and that’s where it began, before the left the outer hallway. After Jeff’s hand slipped from his, it managed to quickly find Adam’s ass, caressing there before he grew bold and gave a squeeze.
Letting himself get lost in the heat, Adam felt the stress flow from him as Jeff took him into a violent kiss, biting his lips, sucking his tongue as he was pressed against the corner of the door jam, making it impossible to be afraid of anything for the moment.
Sex was the thing that had gotten him into the situation he was in, at least that was what he told himself. Ignoring the feelings behind it made it easier. Sex was the only thing that took his mind completely from it for a little while, and that was everything to him. Getting those fears and regrets off his mind.
Stumbling through the door once Jeff had it unlocked, they both chuckled as Jeff unbuttoned his shirt. “You’re so sexy. Jesus.”
“I’m definitely not Jesus,” he joked then smashed his mouth against Jeff’s to return the bruising kiss, Jeff moaning roughly as he took it.
Shedding clothes through the dark living room, Jeff moved him slowly to the bedroom, stopping every foot to grope on Adam, taking him further from his thoughts. That was the thing about that kind of anonymous sex, uncommitted, free. Every touch was purely animal. There was no thought of where the relationship might go because there was no relationship.
Jeff was better looking naked than dressed, the light mat of fur on his chest something Adam could dive in and live there, and his lightly muscled torso was inviting as hell. Adam pushed him down on the king sized bed and descended, attacking his nipples with his mouth as his hands slid down his sides until he wrapped his long fingers around the heavy cock that was already pulsing with blood, hard and full. He imagined it, spearing him as he chewed indelicately on the nipple, feasting on the man as though he were a fine steak.
The sleek and course chest hair brushed his cheek as he moved to the left nipple, giving him chills. The grunted sounds coming from Jeff encouraged him, and he found himself rubbing his own cock against Jeff’s outer calf, the friction from the hair giving his dick the sweetest burn. He moved to stare down at him, seeing the lust in his eyes, the smile widening on his pretty pink lips.
Adam could go on for days about things that were wrong, but the man under him wasn’t one of them. “No. Everything is good. I want you inside me. Is that a problem?”
“No way. I’m vers. I don’t mind topping a fine ass like yours.”
Chuckling at the cheesy line, Adam leaned in to plant a much softer kiss on his lips. When he came back up, he whispered, “Fuck me.”
“Yeah. Yeah, definitely.”
He moved to the side of Jeff and lay on his stomach, listening to the harsh breathing of the man behind him as he readied himself. The tear of the condom wrapper, the lewd sound of the lubricant being squirted from the bottle, the first movement of the concert before the symphony really begun.
What he hadn’t expected was to have his ass eaten. That was a welcomed surprise. Jeff spread his cheeks and went for it, spearing him with his long tongue, making Adam settle into a place where everything left him except his arousal.
Gone was the pain he’d felt as he looked into sky blue eyes, the betrayal in them piercing his very soul. As a thumb slipped in with the tongue, the physical ache of the retaliation left him, letting him forget.
He was stretched nicely, the lube seeming unnecessary as he was dripping with saliva, pushing into him with one last penetration of fingers. The entire act, Adam thought he’d be tired of it after so many years, but the excitement, the sexual gratification, it was the one thing he’d never grown weary of.
Jeff was nicely hung, not huge, but a nice heavy dick that when inside him, hit all the right places. Having the warm body over him, the hard stomach pressing his ass, lips engaged in light kisses over his shoulders, it was heaven to him. If he could never see the real one, he’d take these bits and pieces of it that God had left on earth for him to scavenge.
“Tight and hot, Adam, so good,” he whispered in Adam’s ear, and Adam’s eyes closed, blocking out the voice and drifting on his own thoughts.
They gathered around the sensations and sounds, the scents and warmth. One person touching another, connecting with their bodies, it was all he could do not to sob into the pillow where his head lay. Drifting on them, Adam heard himself as his own sounds amplified with each deep, glorious thrust.
Sex was so much to him, an escape, a connection he didn’t get in any other way and a piece of death that he’d never feel otherwise. He’d heard it described that way, a tiny death. Poems were written about it, songs sang, and he felt them each time he let a man inside him. That little death, the orgasm breaking through life and bringing him as close as he’d ever get to that joy and peace spoken about when people passed from one world to the next.
After a few minutes of that position, Jeff pulled out of him and grunted, “Turn over. I want to see your face while I fuck you.”
As much as he didn’t want to do that, so he could stay in his own head and disconnect, he didn’t want to be overly selfish. Slowly, he turned to his back and spread his legs, inviting the man back into him.
Before he re-entered Adam, Jeff kissed him seductively, moving his mouth to Adam’s throat and sucking a little mark there as he pushed his dick in, giving Adam that nice stretch again. Avoiding Jeff’s eyes, that would be the trick, and not easy. Sky blue, those sky-blue eyes, the same color as the angels’…
He slammed his eyes shut to half-lidded, glassy glare as well as that thought and pulled Jeff closer, kissing him, gnawing on his jawline, lifting his hips so the man could be as deep as possible. Consumed, that is what Adam needed, to be consumed.
Jeff sped his thrusts, banging into Adam for all he was worth, in the meantime kissing him almost tenderly, sucking on his earlobe as he grunted Adam’s name. The heat from that breath on Adam’s neck, his prostate being roughly hit, all of it was rushing Adam near climax.
The little death.
He braced himself for it, begged for it, moaning it to Jeff to make him cum, not to stop, speed his fucking, harder, faster, deeper until he saw the bright lights behind his eyelids and his body convulsed rigid. It swarmed him, like bees finding a new home, and that was how it was, he found a new home each time he felt it, the nomad resting at long last, only to pick up and move on again after the sensation was over.
As Adam dressed, Jeff asked him why he was rushing off, spread eagle on the bed as he glowed from his achievement.
“I don’t stay anywhere long. It’s not you, believe me.”
“What do you think would make you stop running?”
The wording caught him, and he spun to stare at Jeff fully. “Running?”
“From the bedroom of the men you dazzle. What would make you stop that? Love, maybe?”
Deflating from his sudden panic, he sighed, “Already have that. Had, I guess you’d say. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him.”
“The guy you said you betrayed?”
“Oh. I would bet he could forgive you if you tried to make it up to him. Or you could face up to what happened. He may have moved on.”
He had, but not with another man. He’d moved on to punish the whole world for the heartbreak Adam had left him. “Maybe. Anyway, thanks, Jeff. That was amazing.”
As he was heading from the bedroom, Jeff called out, “He’ll never stop looking for you, Adam.”
Stopping cold, Adam felt all the blood draining from his body. “W-what?”
Hands were on him then, the same soft touching from the bed. As he turned, he saw that Jeff was suddenly fully dressed, grinning maliciously as his eyes shined. His sky-blue eyes. Like the angels.
“Who are you?”
The grin widened, but became more wicked as he hissed the name, “Pharzuph.”
The fallen angel of lust. “I was under a spell?”
“Didn’t have to cast one. You’ve turned into a whore.”
Like he’d gotten a knife in the gut, that hurt him deep. He had sought solace in sexual partners for so long, he hadn’t realized he’d come to rely on sex so desperately. “Being tortured for millennia will do that to a person.”
The smile faded and the eyes took the malice the smile had held. “You think that was torture? He was too easy on you, Adam, the first man. You would have been begging to have his torture if I had been allowed to carry out your punishment. Betrayer!”
Adam’s legs could no longer hold him. After all the centuries of running, hiding, looking for witches and spellcasters to cloak him, hiding in churches and cemeteries, and he’d been found at long last.
His slid down the door frame and lay his head on his bent knees, defeated. After being so careful, he’d been caught. Ignoring his instincts in that alley, neglecting to run, and he’d been caught.
Maybe it was better. Maybe to see the angel again, to take the rest of his punishment, it would be good. The waiting would be over, and the wondering put to rest. “Where is he?”
“On his way.”